I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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