You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
