She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
