I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
