All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
