Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
