is your mom at the bar?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
