My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
