when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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