he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
