You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
God I need to hump something, right now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
