i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
