fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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