Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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