IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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