Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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