I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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