I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
