Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
