There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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