so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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