his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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