All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
