im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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