the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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