DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
