just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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