I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
