I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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