I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize