i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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