it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
