I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
