your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
