Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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