Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
