please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
