i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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