Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
