It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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