Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize