So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
