3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
