i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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