I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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