You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
