The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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