lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
