he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
