it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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