So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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