the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
