6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize