oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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