What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
