I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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