So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
