I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Mom said you looked used
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
