I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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