I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
