i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
