Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize