I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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