When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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