You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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