im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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