Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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