And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
