69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
