Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
