it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
