I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
