I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
