ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
