My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
