Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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