you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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