Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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