One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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