I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
