I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
