Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
