i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize