Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
