it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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