Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
