Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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