just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize