I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
