No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
