There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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