I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
