Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
