we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
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