I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
