Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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