Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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