I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
