were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
