just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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