I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
